From Here

More and more I'm seeing the world as a physical manifestation of an energetic or emotional state of being. Somehow, we're the (or a) conduits for this physical manifestation of something unseeable going on somewhere. Even physicists now think the world is 11 dimensions or so all wrapped in upon each other--that the world is a multiplicity of worlds.

The interesting part of this I guess is that we determine so much of what this world is based on our understanding of this unseeable, almost indescribeable, energy. These other dimensions. --Based on our understanding of the nature of the universe, God, god, "the way things are", etc. And don't say you don't believe, cause that's just as powerful a belief as any. Maybe more. Embrace and champion whatever you believe. Even if it's disbelief. Get into it. Feel it.

We all believe like our lives depend on it, and many of our emotions and even more of our decisions and actions flow directly from those beliefs. We say that the world is a certain way, but in my opinion, much of what that way is, we determine. Especially at our level of mastery over here in the western world. Odd then that we still strive for victim status to justify ourselves. (And often hand our authenticity/value based upon it).

So between here and there is what? What we want to learn. The things we have yet to master? Emotions we're afraid of. Limbs we thought we couldn't go out on.

From what I've learned--go out on a limb and wake up the next morning like you're starting from the trunk again. It's a willfull ignorance of how we're "supposed" to act. If everything we know is wrong (or even if we're born into a broken society) then doing the right thing is going to feel like going to hell. Necessarily. Even if you're a liberal and already have it all figured out. (I guess there's a special place in hell waiting for someone like me who has not only figured that out but also dains to foist it back on others).

A object lesson in fear.

Which brings me to one of the few biblical quotes I haven't yet been able to spin: "It is harder for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven".

I was thinking about this today as got my Whole Foods sushi lunch ready. And I've thought about it for close to 20 years. I even imagined myself doing magazine covers with me on a camel framed by a huge needle eye.

But then it hit me. It's true. Absolutely. But entering the kingdom of heaven has nothing to do with dying. In fact Jesus' whole thing is everlasting life. (I also believe that Jesus incorporated to show us that to get to god we would have to go through our body--our feelings and physicality, our sex and desire--but that's another post).

He's absolutely right. You have to give up all you have on the quest for heaven. And ALL YOU HAVE ACCESS TO.

I could have tried to write a book evenings after I came home from work--and maybe I could have even done it--with the proper mix of coffee and beer--but I never would have gone all the way. (And I'm ont saying that's not 100% for someone else). But I would never would have learned how much energy, how much passion, how much love and life were inside of me had it not been pushed, pulled, tortured and cried out of me. I never would have learned what 100% committment is. And I never would have learned about true safety had I not been dangling off the financial, emotional, whatever precipice for however many years I was. And going farther out on the limb.

I also could have stopped when the money ran out (I actually tried a number of times--great proof that we don't have to be perfect but are radically protected as long as we're trying and have some good intent/momentum/etc [although maybe we don't even need those?]). But I'm starting to see that because I had so much familial strength and safety--I had to go somewhere where I was threatened. Some unnknown turf. Where I was forced to take complete responsibility for myself and my actions. Including my future success--maybe mostly my future success--with a book that no one was feeling. (With a couple exceptions). With a plan and a future that few understood--and even fewer (noone?) believed. All based on normal economics, mind you. And one fuck of a leap of faith.

From birth I have been almost unable to fail. I've had it too good. Have friends and family too loving. Too much access. So what do I do to get tested? How do I determine if I have what it takes? How do I become a man? I have to build upon that which my people have started. Live happier, more lovelier, more relaxed. Take up the weight and get it a few more feet. And prove their work right by enjoying the work more. If your mom and dad routinely do triples--the way I figure it you've got to land a 1260 at least. Which doesn't mean they're going to love it when you try. :) (Hi Mom!)

And finding out what that is will take everything you've got--and then some. It will take every material advantage and worldly connection you have--necessarily. And you won't be able to rely on the tribal wisdom--in fact you'll be a threat to it. And you'll have to manage that as well. Because until you're broke and hungry and alone and decide to go on anyway, you'll never know what it's like to really put god before mammon. To do what you want despite any and all worldly consequences. Setting your priorities spiritually doesn't mean you're not going to be rich, hell, if you're doing it right you should feel rich before you have anything, what it means is that you're not going to make decisions, alter beliefs or indulge emotions because of money. Or more likely, because of the fear of a lack of it. It means you're going to make your decisions with faith and joy based on the best thinkin', feelin' and discernin' you can do no matter what.

And hopefully have some fun dammit.

And then you'll be free. And can have all the money whatever. Cause you're not going to base any decisions on it. Or more likely--the fear surrounding it. Cause you already got rich--with your time, in your skin, with your partner--with yourself--and you're just reporting back. Which is bound to cause whatever scrilla you need to flow your way, is it not? Now that you're a creator.

_____

Another idea popped into my head while cutting some dead limbs off a tree in front of our house today. What if everyone's afraid to buy the stuff they really, really want (which would create so much more of the jobs we really, really want), because they all associate going to get more money with enduring more pain. Because they ain't doing what they want because they (back to the first point) believe that to get money--to survive and thrive on this planet--requires doing things they hate? And so they went to do the thing they hate to get the money. Toil.

Because that is what they've had to do in the P~a~S`t (it even sounds like a ghost). Is the world a place where we get to do what we want to do or where we have to do what we should do? [Side note: I actually gave up on the best new age guru I ever found when she admitted she thought that not everyone was down here to do stuff they wanted to do. Of course in her world that was lead workshops, write self-help and read auras. Be a healer. In my estimation, that's the last form of employment in the old world--sheparding folks over. The only question I ever cared about was what do we do once we're straight? And why the hell would we wait if we weren't? And, of course--can we get healed in the abstract?--without doing what it is we're here to do. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you my position on the matter but let's just say I'm down here to be a normal person--heal-ED--past tense. Have fun, be in love, see clouds, whatever.)

So are we stuck? We've tried all the options ever in the past. Right down to GG Allin and the Murder Punks. But you still don't WANT to pay more for a song? You still don't want to be a leader? To throw dollars in front of the most promising artists with the hopes that they get even more relaxed, even more self-sufficient, take even more time between albums and get even further out (or come closer back)? More mature, warmer, more relavant, happier? Satiated? Comfortable? So you can hear what it feels like on wax?

I do.

No matter what it takes. I didn't think it would be me, but maybe it will. I certainly didn't want to. I wanted the other guys to. I was too lazy, too much of a hedonist. I wanted to read the next great American novel, not write it. Consume, not produce. (This was before I knew what real hedonism was--when I thought you could feel without feeling--when I thought you could get over).

And I can't wait to show thw world what's really possible in the arts with the proper pricing structure in place. And the proper coordination, flexibility and depth between the male and female, the spiritual and material, the creative and commercial aspects of ourselves. The irony is that if even one of my calculations is right--unless I'm deluded or have a major blind spot--I stand to make more money than the folks who went into it FOR the money. And I wish there weren't all sentences with "I"s in them, because I've been told that's a sin as well--from numerous sources--but I don't see anyone else doing what I feel needs to be done. And I've certainly been called an egomaniac enough times to just shut the fuck up. But I don't know how to

All because all I care about is getting rich. And there's no way to do that without being present, relaxed and fearless.

____

I guess my bigger point here is that creation is an opportunity to stop re-creating our tired old beliefs--is an opportunity to short the feedback loop--if we accept the challenge. We can easily fight fire with fire and be artists who reflect what is--in the hopes that people will "see what's really going on" and change. But A) that's been done and is played, and B) I thought we were supposed to inspire, so how come we ain't getting no higher?

The radically successful artist of the next generation will find within themselves a peace, a joy, an inspiration that is incorruptable--and share it. They will win the war for themselves and return to battle willingly. And joyfully. Not to win--okay to win--but not to win on the old standards--but to win on the new standards. To be happy. To enjoy--come what may.

And what the fuck coulnd't you say from there that people wouldn't love, yo!?