Gold (Or the Yellow Jersey at Least)

Ho ho!

And what happens? The day after they all counted him out? Landis flies back with a performance called the one-day best in modern Tour history. Makes up over 7 minutes. Now expected to win again.

That's right, you just walk up to her on the street, say the stupid shit that pops into your head and then roll. If it works (and you're still interested) you ask her out. If not, then you bounce.

This is where failure starts to lead to the promise of success. Because you've made a decision. Because you take "results" as just universal feedback--you probably didn't really want it anyway! Just "wanted" it. Lord have mercy that I didn't get any of the wack-ass jobs I applied for over the last five years. Or the three businesses I tried to start. Or even that my book took off and I believed folks who thought of me as a writer. Or even that all my paintings sold and I got orders for more. Cause I wouldn't be exactly where I am now. With what I know about what I want. And how juicy it's possible. The cat-bird's seat.

Also watching The Treasure of the Sierra Madres right now. ("Badges, we don't need no stinking badges" is actually "We don't need no badges. We don't need to show you no stinking badges"--but I'm with the revisionists on this one. They should have flipped the script.)

As it shows, and as promised in the bible, finding gold is just a matter of risk, determination and work. Yeah, you're going to get shot at, cry and get paranoid, and lose sense of what's going on--but that's what you wanted. An adventure. The true test comes once you've got it. That's when you find out if you're gold or not. If you've really got it in you.

After you pack up your burros and head home.

Maybe even after you've made it back and gotten you picture in the paper. Are embraced by high society as a roustabout and thrill seeker. A self-made man.

But never let anyone tell you that you can do it without wanting it. The Buddhists are only half right. If you try to live your life by what you "should" want, by some external authority--even if you claim that it's god's voice your listening to--you'll never get anywhere. Unless you're really adamant about it. And then you'll get depression and insanity. (If you're just insistant, you'll get a nice little neurosis, or maybe an addiction or two. I don't have an addictive personality but it would make total sense to me if addiction were the shadow side of supressed healthy desires coming through with a vengance. If you tell yourself you could never in a million years be a Shakespearean actor (or bee-keeper--whatever), accept that you may have to suffer and twitch to keep that one under wraps.

And if it's something hard, or that's never been done, you've got to want it even more. Ever more. We're so afraid that it's our desires that are raping the planet, keeping people oppressed, hurting our friends, leading us astray.

But there's nothing farther from the truth. These are all byproducts of the detachment we've created from ourselves. These are all surrogate desires--ones that can never be sated. Because they're not original. Or even ours. They're just around. And relatively acceptable. And safe.

Mostly safe.

Which is odd, because there's nothing more dangerous.

If you want to be informed by Buddhists, then detach from the results. Honor your deeper desires. Your desire to commune with the divine. Your desire for intimacy. Your desire to be the rock star that also saves the planet and has his own clothing line. Your desire to be a man. Your desire to be happy. Your desire to know love. And be love. (Even if that means being less nice.)

The east is half right and the west is half right. The liberals are half right and the conservatives are half right. Women are half right and men are half right. And it's up to those of us who know that to get down to the business of creating a way flexible enough to reflect that.

Peice.