This Thing Rocks

HI All. It's Lent. And whether you're a Christian or not, it can be helpful to check to see if the spirit has cast you out into the wilderness. See if you're facing three temptations, or just downright thirsty.

My priest mentioned this morning that there are always 40s around when god's close by. He didn't mean 40 ouncers (which we used to call torpedoes, by the way), but was referring to the 40 years the chosen people spent in the desert before arriving at the promised land, the 40 days and nights of the flood, and Jesus' 40 days in the desert. Some bibles say he was "led" into the desert, but I think the Latin (Aramaic?) is closer to "expelled into". This was his preparation for his ministry. As the minister said this morning--he made personal choices that had corporate consequences.

He gave up being a god--and being in charge. He decided to accept the cross--to be human. While he was starving, broken and more or less lost--while he was in the wilderness.

The minister this morning also asked another poignant question: what could be more important than your relationship to god?

The test of a relationship, of one's commitment--to one's self, to another, to god--doesn't come during the honeymoon, or the good times, or at a convenient time. It doesn't come when you feel strong enough or are ready. It comes when it's a test. It comes when you are in the wilderness. It comes when you have made the best decisions you can make with the information you have and it's time to see just how holy your values are.

If we could learn as fast, or as well, in comfort, then we'd probably be comfortable all the time. And I think that people are actually becoming more sensitive so that they don't have to endure the same amount of duress that they had to at one time. And can still learn. This is progress.

But why the wilderness? Why alone (on a Saturday night)? Why sober and hungry and cold? Why facing the endless void?

The answer, simply put, is that's where you are. That's where the source of all that is warm and nourishing and together. All that's civilized and comforting and safe. And if we never get there, and never stare it dead in the face until it blinks, then we go through life not knowing. Not knowing the safety we crave (Homeland Security is estimated at $100 billion a year). Or the intimacy we can almost taste. The warmth we're sure everyone else is enjoying all around us.

All of those are generated from within.

There is no truly strong society without truly strong individuals. And the shortcut to that strength is the wilderness. Ask 50 Cent, ask Oprah, ask anyone. Or just let yourself lead you.

My own temptations this year seems to be shaping up around money. To get into the studio with the tools I want to use I am selling guitars and a few computers. I'm hustling.

My question is: what is having faith? Is it buying a guitar I want and keeping it even though I don't have the money yet and have significant credit card debt? Or is it selling it knowing that I have another and will have more access to more money soon enough?

At various points in my life this has been my wilderness. I sat on a bench outside an office building in downtown Seattle for probably a half-hour working up the guts to go buy a pair of $500 shoes after not having had a job for years. At the time I was living on credit. And ended up buying a pair of $200 loafers from the same place. Church's shoes. They went out of business because not enough men in Seattle wanted hand-made round-toe classic shoes. They really are beautiful shoes.

It took me weeks to get up the guts to buy a Rolex, but that was on the wrong side of hold for me at the time. One thing I've learned is that god takes care of you on both sides. It ended up having a problem and I was able to return an unreturnable watch. Thanks be to god.

If we are to be love artists in the most wealthy of civilizations ever, we must master money. This is a non-negotiable. Neither lack nor abundance must sway us in our choices, behavior or love. This could even be job #1. The price of admission. We must stare poverty, debt, windfalls and all the rest of it in the face so long it hurts. And finally, refuse to flinch. This is where I'm sure the gold is. The spiritual gold. The feelings we crave. The rich that we are but don't enjoy. The inside out.

And I don't know the answer this particular moment. I'll sell the damn thing if it means being closer to my larger aims. If getting into the studio sooner, with slightly fewer inspirational tools, or being able to stay unmolested longer, will yield the state of creation/being to which I aspire.

But I've also seen a radically different route. One that may be faster. Getting yourself into the studio with the tools you want, and doing whatever it takes to do so, may be the quickest route. We may be able to learn without learning. The lesson may be a spiritual and not a musical one. It may not take more time but more guts.

Consider this: Joaquin Phoenix didn't know how to play guitar OR sing until he got the part of Johnny Cash in I Walk the Line. And that's his voice and guitar playing in the movie. And on the soundtrack. (Not to mention that Johnny Cash--who has hands down the most captivating voice I've ever heard in person--auditioned with the songs he thought he was "supposed" to sing, only to be told they were played out. He was about to be thrown out of the audition when he decided to sing a few songs he had written. He went home with a record contract.)

What if the task now was becoming a person who could sit down and do whatever it is that you're going to do. And we're so adept, smart and learn-ready that technique is almost a forgone conclusion. If this were true, would you change your area of expertise? If it only took four months? A year? I didn't sing a lick all winter and I swear I'm four times as good. Because of what I've learned at the gym, at church, over the holidays, from the weather, in my dreams. Because I made the decision to do or die--right now.

And I'm broke again until something sells. But it no longer bothers me. I know god is in charge of cash. I could be rich tomorrow. And most people fall off after they get the gold, not before. I just want to know the right amount to believe.

This thing rocks!