Stay Rich

My friend Thomas pointed out that I was prostrating myself to the gods of Pop Culture a bit recently, and I think he's right.

I thought I was fighting for access to your attention. I thought I needed a Dr. Dre to put my white shit on like Eminem. I thought I needed Oprah to do me like Dr. Phil. Or that drug rehab author. I thought I needed Spike Jonze to make a movie of my book. Then it would take off, I know it.

I thought I was a victim to the economic and distribution powers that be. I thought I needed them. I was desparately searching for a place to sign up to whore myself.

It turns out I don't need shit.

I used to know this when I was more of a punk rocker. That they need me. That all power flows upward. Rises on the thermal of our attention. I just didn't KNOW IT, know it.

But punk rock is more blue collar. I was born with a set of silver waiting to be handed down to me. And I don't like work like that. Too hard. Too dismal. No fun.

I thought all this because I wanted to get on. I was starving to get on. I want more than anything to connect the wires of passion and finance that have been shorted for so long in my life. (My social security statement would tell you that I've made perhaps $120,000 in my whole life. At 38 and after $80K of college.) And I thought to do this, I needed access. I thought that "they" hold it and dish it out to those of "us" on our best behavior.

WRONG! Nothing could be further from the truth.

God holds all access. He is the only one who dishes out 100%, all access backstage passes. In many ways God IS access. For all the real shit anyway. And no one is truly annointed without god's blessing. History is full of figures that have turned entire cultures around their will, their caring, their creativity, their rational thought and their love. Ghandi. M. L. King, Jr., Einstien, Edison, Tesla, van Gogh, Buddha, Jesus, etc. They tell you these days in college that the "great man" theory of history is a sham. Not so fast. It may not be the only truth, but it is true. Great men and women have great impact. And they MAKE a way where none has existed. Those of us who follow in their wake, who stand on their shoulders, have cars, laws, justice, culture, beauty, building standards, and good shoes because of what they have produced for us. The way they have made.

It barely occurred to me that I could gain access, could get everything I wanted by being more resolutely myself. By sticking more closely to my original vision. By pshawing the gatekeepers and simply creating something better outside the gates. That the people are free to come and go as they please. That only backstage access is limited. In fact, I had been taught that comrpomise is necessary, that professional editing and marketing considerations would have to be met to have any impact.

And the whole time I missed the entire fucking meadow in front of my face.

I refused to believe the whiffs of lilac (my favorite). I insisted I didn't have time to sit down in the tall grass and feel the sun. Rest against the tree. I ignored and stamped out the sunflowers, the poppies, the dasies, the snap-dragons. I chased the field mice and rabbits, believing them vermin.

The city is the truth I yelled! I believe! Better ducts! Conduit! Level concrete! Bionic curbs! Just let me paint them!

So thank god I didn't get on. Thank you god. You withheld from me all the bullshit I claimed I wanted to be a part of. To live with. The schedule I could never live up to and remain human. The coffee, beer and cigarettes I claimed to love. The race I had no interest in running. The compromises I was all too ready to make for less money! The people I thought I wanted to relate to who hadn't felt a thing in years. Thank you, than you, thank you. I owe you my life. And I strive to be worthy of the gifts you have bestowed upon me. I now know that it's not you OR me--not your will OR mine, but yours AND mine--ours. That it's all the same thing. What I want and what you want. And that's the greatest feeling I have ever had.

What if this were the time, my brothers and sisters? What if now, just by doing exactly what we really wanted, the way we wanted to do it, with who we wanted to do it with, the whole world worked perfectly? Every day. Forever. What if at the last moment, everything was possible? If only we had the courage to demand it all. Would you do it?

Would you sell a book at $120? Just because you wanted to? Would you buy one? Screw art--would you buy the shoes you really want, and not the cheap knock offs you already know you'll be tired of in two months?

Would you buy flowers for yourself? Stop wearing black and make pink (or blue, yellow or goldenrod) your color? Would you give up porn if it didn't deliver the intimacy you were truly looking for? Would you cancel your subscription to the Nation if you got tired of the bitter battles? Just because you wanted to? Without anyone saying you could? Or should?

Would you stand up to your mom, your sister, your aunt? Would you support your daughter, your father, your friend?

Would you say fuck PC, I make my own decisions. I shoot fast and loose and take full responsibility for every word I say? Would you understand that people are doing everything they can just about every minute? And give vulnerability a shot if judgement didn't produce the feeling you wanted?

Would you rest if you were tired? Would you train like a boxer just to make love? Without anyone paying you? Would you do anything? Everything? Would you spend every last dime you had to make the world you want real? Would you accept faith if it came knocking along the way? If it asked to come in and put its feet up after being shut out in the cold so long?

I'm puttting out a book called The Love Artist. It has a picture of me on the cover half-naked. Every page of it is burningly real. It was the best possible work I could do at the time. And I couldn't beat it now if I tried. I'm not even the same person.

I wrote every word for the same reason--because I wanted to. And I decided to live or die for each and every single one. True, flawed, arrogant, loving, overblown, honest, trying, being, succeeding, starting over. That was as full a picture as I could produce. And it's full. I put the photo on the cover and the price on the back the same way I put each and every word on the page. Because I wanted to. And ready to live or die by it. And for what it creates in the world. I believe in it 100%. We all do the same thing every day. We're all love artists.

And I'm not fighting for access, I don't need to become something before I go big, I want to relax while I do. Cause it's gonna be fun adn I wnat to enjoy it all. I'm also making sure I can express myself fully, relax, and have fun under all conditions before I decide to step into our emotionally crippled economy with my butterfly wings and hot buttered soul. Making sure that money doesn't cloud my decisions. That products and deadlines don't affect my relationships with artists, friends, family, or even Jonette at the cleaners (who jokingly told me not to forget the little people once I get famous, and rushed my man RIchard's shirt when he needed it for the Roll, Bounce premier).

I'm making sure THAT I CAN STAY RICH WITH LOADS OF CASH AROUND! I'm also enjoying the holidays with my family and friends and working on my documentary and album. I'm 99.9% of the way to full integration and at the gym three times a week and napping whenever possible for that last .1%. I'm learning how to relax and putting the cherry on top of the whipped cream on my self-care.

Ground Control, initiate warm, enjoyable, exciting, calm and gentle launch on five, four...