All Lined Up, All the Time

I just started talking about stuff I don’t love and a shelf fell out of the cupboard here in the kitchen. We really do create our own luck—and world. Better talk about stuff I love.

Physics has known this for a century—that the perspective of the observer directly influences the outcome of an experiment. So why haven’t we harnessed it yet? Why don’t we create our way into that which we want? Why don’t we act as if what we know is true is true? Isn’t that irrational?

A huge change occurred in my thinking while I was undergoing treatment (primarily self-directed) for depression. I was dutifully following along, doing exercises from The Feeling Good Handbook, and talking with my guy. I was doing meditation and “self-care” type stuff and I felt like I was seeing some progress but not enough. What was worse—I realized that if I was to get well enough to get a job, wife or kids, I would have so much to “process”—so many exercises and little rituals to do to keep me percolating—that I’d be working full time just to stay present, be happy, be normal, or whatever you want to call it.

Then it hit me. Everything I was doing was to mitigate the effects of the past on my present. I was worried that I hadn’t _______ enough, or was afraid that so-and-so felt _______. If there were exercises that made me feel better in the present about the past, then certainly there were more effective exercises—thoughts or actions—that would create a future where I didn’t need exercises. Instead of putting my energy toward forgetting the past, why didn’t I just ignore the past and put my energy toward ruthlessly creating a future I wanted? Why was there any difference? Why didn’t I just take responsibility and complete ownership?

Every time I felt myself feeling down and browsing something like self-help, I would ask myself if I was tired of it yet (reading self-help). If I was, and I wanted what was next, I would ask myself “Why don’t you just do what you want then?”

No healthy person’s perfect day contains reading self-help books. Not even those that are right. To be sure, there are many valuable perspectives and insights to be gained from some of these books, but the goal is to not need them. The goal is to live the life you want. The question is: who is going to give you permission to live the life you want?

Especially if it’s a bit weird (and if it’s valuable, I bet it’s going to be a little weird). Especially if it’s different than you parents’ (if it’s going to be anything it’s going to have to be different than your parents). Especially if your boyfriend, friends at work, friends at home, college buddies don’t get it. What if no one gets it but you? And that’s the whole point?

Krishnamurti, who had enormous money and love problems, said that the truth is a pathless land. And he was absolutely right. The truth—for right now—has never happened—except for right now. It is therefore completely unmarked territory. You may find your way to yesterday’s gate in, or last week’s easiest path, with a self-help book, or musings from a site such as this, but the real—all the love—is available to each of us without instruction. I would argue that it is the best gurus (an oxymoron?) and/or books that show us this—that we don’t need them.

Or you can just skip the exercise of figuring out how to talk by listening and just try it yourself. You are an authority. And we are all in charge of what the world looks like in your jurisdiction. Whether we admit it or not. We are all broadcasting 24/7: fear, love, satisfaction, doubt, relaxation, understanding, hurry, worry or peace. We don’t even have to talk to you to know what it is. We feel it.

And it may not even be what you are saying. For the truth isn’t in the speech—it’s in the delivery—in the ether.

Another great Krishnamurti saying is “the word is not the thing”. And this, too, is right on the money. My good friend Eben Eldridge used to say “everyone knows the vocabulary”, and he was exactly right. You could eliminate every “negative” word from your vocabulary and still spew nothing but hatred. You can swear and offend people and still smell like roses. The truth is, that the word is not the thing.

The thing is…

The thing is love. The thing is feeling. The thing is caring and belief and faith. The thing is the thing. And you can’t fake it for a second. You either are feeling it or you’re not. And we are at the point in history where enough people are sentient of this warm, hard fact, that our culture and economy is becoming aligned with this most certain truth. This spiritual truth.

Right now the critical mass of power still resides with those that guard the credentials—the letter of the law, if you will. With this crowd, if you said “love”, you meant “love”, dammit! And there’s nothing more to say on the matter. This side is capital, reason, the material world. How the hell could I mean anything else when I say love?

But the tipping point is rapidly approaching. It may even have come and gone. And from here on out, it’s exponentially with those who hold the feelings—who hold the intent. Who have sacrificed credentials to get at the true truth—the real truth. Who have risked material security for spiritual truth. This side is labor, intuition, and emotion. And from here on out—even the material rewards will overall go largely their way. They have done the homework. They have learned how to see. They have proven their worthiness. Now they will be first.

And the old guard is going to come running, boy! The pimps and gurus and experts are all going to be facilitators and coaches and enlightened amateurs, now. And it will be up to us to decide who’s love and who’s full of shit. It will be up to us to discern people’s intentions. And to do that we will need every ounce of discretion in our body. We will need every clue we can find.

The most important thing, though, is the we feel comfortable discerning. We are sensitive and rightly so. We are friendly and amenable, etc. But for progress to continue apace, our discernment is of the utmost importance. Many of the people, corporations, etc., competing for our attention won’t even know themselves if they are here or there. They will have good intentions but lack the courage to be themselves. Lack the gut. Have skipped the homework.

And the difference will be slight. The difference will be jeans with a loose thread vs. a loose thread on jeans. One will have been made out of love and the other out of fear. And by choosing one we are already creating a world made of either love or fear. We are doing this right now.

Similarly, in our work, we face the same dilemmas. Do I leave this in or edit it out? How much editing is fear and how much is respect for one’s audience? How much is neurosis? —Especially for a people who have been editing forever. How much time and emphasis do I put on production qualities and how much of this “style” is actually just a convenient way to avoid addressing the larger questions of story, belief, intentions, etc.? Why wouldn’t style be effortless, natural, transparent, vulnerable?



ps: I saw a great Extreme Makeover yesterday where a punk rocker got put back straight. I don’t watch the surgery stuff, or even like the show usually, but it reminded me of how integrated looks are into our sense of self. Not that looks are everything but that you just can’t fake it either way. Don’t be afraid of the middle—of yourself and what you want. The middle can be deep in a way that the extremes often never feel.