Whoops, There Goes Another Rubber Tree..

Stay with me ‘cause I’m out on a limb here.

In my opinion a large number of society’s ills can be traced to the material world’s intolerance for vulnerability. And again I’ll state that I have no qualms with the material perspective—in fact I’m grateful for it (it having allowed me to both eat this morning and to sit here typing on this beautiful computer to reach y’all)—I just don’t think it’s enough to base an entire society, world, or life upon.

The dominant method of the material world is control, or negative discipline. These are loaded terms, I know—please e-mail me if you know of better ones I could use.

Negative discipline is getting rid of that which you don’t want—in the hopes that all that’s left will be that which is acceptable. It is primarily effective in the world of things and action. (In contrast, what I would call positive discipline is a focus that goes straight for what it wants—accepting the warts, missteps, etc. along the way. I would suggest that this is primarily effective in the spiritual world—with ideas, emotions, and states of being. Simply put: a misplaced note in a jazz club means something much different than a misplaced scalpel in an operating room.

While control or negative discipline has yielded enormous results for us materially (what we have traditionally needed most), it has become the guiding principle by which we order our society. And also has become so effective and prevalent that it is essentially less desirable.

We have professionalized goods and services and even art. As we strive to get promotions or new jobs (or create careers) we apply negative discipline to ourselves in order to be worthy of creating and providing high quality goods and services. We have created entire organizational models based upon negative discipline. Schools, prisons, medicine, business, museums, and even the non-profit and social service world primarily operate using this model. It demands timely results and looks skeptically at play, relaxation, personal expression and emotion.

Then we try to go home and live a full life after work and on the weekends.

But that’s not my point (well maybe part of it). My point is that our institutions are operating at a fraction of their possible capacity. In fact, I would assert that, as Thomas Kuhn’s The Structure of Scientific Revolutions alludes to, much more of the growth, profit, and effectiveness in these institutions in due to those not afraid to assert their individuality, creativity, emotion, etc. Again, I love the efficiency with which negative discipline replicates and delivers established ideas. I owe my very livelihood to it. That does not mean, however, that in the quantity it is found in our society today it is not toxic. I believe it absolutely is.

And imagine what would be possible in a system that effectively harnessed both negative and positive discipline—that both knew exactly what it wanted and how to produce and deliver it. One that added values to the question of value.

And all this comes back to vulnerability (and I give props to the great Eben Eldridge for repeatedly and doggedly inserting this knowledge—in both word and deed—into my world).

If the material world tries to eliminate vulnerability, the spiritual world is useless without it. There is no creation, no love, no relationship, no beauty without vulnerability—and sustained vulnerability at that.

This is one of the primary reasons that so many adults are dissatisfied with the state of American culture at the current time—there’s almost no love in it. Different pieces may contain sexuality, or sadness, or anger, or hope—or almost anything—but there is often a missing middle. This middle is vulnerability.

This missing middle is the mistake, the unmediated blurb, the funky and kind of weird truth. The thing that doesn’t make immediate sense (or even any sense). This middle is the Oprah who loses it and goes ballistic. The rapper who admits he’s tired and goes on sabbatical instead of fighting on. The expert or guru who says “I don’t know”. The executive who brushes off an expensive gaffe. The writer who details exactly the life that he or she wants—for herself—instead of more cleverly exposing the faults and shortcomings of others.

And there is some vulnerability. Life wouldn’t survive without it. But to my eye it exists at a feeble level—especially among adults. Most good art, inventions, stories of healing, and even productive and interesting people have faced and found a way to include what they can. But these activities are often withheld from view or hidden. People develop a gut and/or courage in private and then emerge with considerable skin, or ego, to use what they’ve learned publicly. And they’re very smart, so many people are so hungry for vulnerability—for a way to know and love others—that when someone does open up, instead of being grateful, they rip at the opening, starved for more.

But my point is that our institutions—which have become more and more pervasive—have come to work against us. In a sense, we rely upon them to provide our living and they sap our ability to enjoy that life at the same time.

And the trick is that you can’t learn this inside any institution. Even self-help gurus guide you back to them—ask you to accept their language and way of seeing the world. (This is a great place to remind you that I do this too. And mention that I am not right—even if I may sound it. I may get close sometimes—and I’m right for me—and I’ll fight for my ideas to the bitter end—and feel free to steal and use them—but don’t quote me. Take over ownership if there’s something you deem of value. Ownership is responsibility. And responsibility begets vulnerability.)

So—back to the subject at hand.

What I believe is needed more than anything in our society is vulnerability—in thought word and deed. We can facilitate this by not only doing it but paying handsomely for anything of merit that we deem has really gone to the mat. Not just with a single aspect of vulnerability but displaying a range of emotion. One of the reasons I believe Tupac and Biggie two of the greatest rappers is that they both found a way to talk about the world, themselves, their family, their fears, and what they wanted from life. Tupac could be brutal, funny and turn around and tell his mama that she was appreciated. The artists of the future will do this all in one song. Or even one line.

There are also many, many ways to build vulnerability into institutions and processes. One key is to strive for acceptance instead of tolerance and reward support instead of concern. This will have enormous impacts on not only how we do business but how rich and full our lives are.

A quick note: The trick, I would suggest, is not to jump into vulnerability like it’s the new black. This is not a trend or a boat that anyone’s going to miss. Try a little out. See how it feels. It’s not appropriate at all time or in all circumstances. But I think you’ll find, that by going first—by creating the exact world and way in which you want to live—you’ll become a magnet for that part in others that wants the same thing. Not everyone will join in—and certainly not immediately—but we’re all learning too. Test the waters a bit. Throw some fun in somewhere. It works. I promise. (Whoops—guaranteeing results—vulnerability in danger! : ) )

I’m off to get contacts.